another sight of seeing .

Every parents

2012-01-13T09:24:00.001-08:00

I guess every parents speaks the same language, the language of love.
I guess every parents in this world Doesn't have to speak a single word to each other, they would just look each other in the eyes and understand each others concern about their kids.
When I grow older I would love to be a parents too, a parent like my parents , and any other parents in this world who speaks the language of love.

Xoxo

2011-12-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

I have a lot on my mind, no wonder i have nightmares every single night,
I try to sleep less, so that i wouldn't have to 'watch' my nightmares.
Everytime i wakes up , i feel so exhausted.

I'll try harder, i'll be someone better,

with money, or no money on hand
ill be someone who is a little bit happier in the near future.

Daddy, promise me to be there.

2011-12-21T09:15:00.000-08:00

I still remember, when i was really young, my dad would buy me many many VCD for me and my brother to watch, i remember watching snow white, rapunzel, and many other princess from the vcd.

I still remember, he used to buy me and my brother presents during our birthday each year, he would buy us things we don't really want, such as gold necklaces, and everything, but we never been happy for that, cos we were just kids at the time.

I remember how my brother and i always go to the china town riding our bike with daddy, it was far, tiring, and extremely hot, you make us ride our bike for hours and buy us stuffs me and my brother love. You teach us to work to earn whatever we want.

I remember how you would buy me and my brother anything we want, as long as we got 100 marks for our test at school. I remember also thats how i get playstation one. Thanks , so that i learn i must work hard for whatever i want.

I remember when i was younger, everytime i asked you for items, and you are not willing to buy me, i would hang up and slams the phone without saying goodbyes.

I remember how you would hit me, everytime im being rude to mum. Your hits and slaps doesnt hurt me physically, it hurts me mentally, i would cry just because it gives me heartache,

I remember what you always teach us during our childhood days; to respect everybody, without exceptions,

I remember when i was younger, i always want to asked you to go out on the weekends, but seeing you so busy even on sunday, gives me fear that you gonna say no if i asked you to go out, so even until now, i never ask you to go out with me.

I love it everytime you came by to my room after you take a bath every evening to check on me,

I love it how we have our lunch at shop, and talk about everything, for me thats like the best quality time that i ever spend with you :)

Dear daddy, it does gives me a heartache that you didn't wish me happy birthday this year.

Dear daddy, did you remember it was just last month i called you from Shanghai , telling you i wanted to go home so bad, without any valid reason? thank you so much for letting me back home, even though i know you are very confused.

Dear daddy, I'm 21 now, you would just buy me anything in this world when i asked you to, but im no longer a kid that can be bribed, sometimes i still do cry infront of you, and you wouldn't understand why. I cried just because i couldn't understand things you do, or things you say. Dear daddy, from today ownwards, i should just trust you, that whatever things you do, all you wants are all the best for me and my brother's future, i hope i am right about this.

Dear daddy, you remember how you told me about your hand a few weeks ago? it gives me fear of you know yourself what. You wouldn't go to doctor and see what really happen to your hands.

Dear daddy, just few days ago you told me how your back is hurting, you said it would break anytime.

Dear daddy...... i never, ever hear you complain, about how tired or sick you are until recently, dear daddy, i hope one day you would just go to see a doctor for me,

Dear daddy , i love you.

Promise me you would still be there for another 50 years.

2011-12-09T07:48:00.001-08:00

It's like you've tried so hard, and fail..

2011-11-27T09:39:00.000-08:00

How hard is a ' hard time '?
How good is a ' good time '?

I'm not saying my life is stable right now,
but at least it is a little bit better at this time.

Lets try harder.

2011-11-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

You know the feeling, having void in between your chest ?
its like part of you isn't with you.
Yes the feeling of having your heart broken,
those feeling like wanting to trow up without being drunk.

I'm not new to this feeling, but i still cant get used to the idea of this feeling.
Anyway its been awhile since the last time i had these feeling.

As far as i can remember it was 3 years ago, had my heart really really broken for the first time, its almost like being smacked with bricks over and over, that i have to cry myself to sleep everyday.
Having my eyes swollen for the whole months. Having to keep this whole shits for myself. Having to blame myself for everything that happens. Having to still smile and laugh, pretends that everything went just fine. oh i guess im a good actress after all.

It took me a month of cryings, and blaming myself to put myself together in one piece, and another monthss to forget what happened . i know im such a noob.

Now, 3 years later, im having the same feeling as 3 years ago just a little bit lighter, whats sad is, this feeling caused by the same guy as 3 years ago. oh, God what have i put myself into?

I guess this is call denial, i know 3 years ago he doesnt love me, and i should know whatever i do at this present moment, he's not gonna love me, and in the future he will not gonna fall in love for me.
I guess this is when the word never come in handy? this is a fact that he will never gonna fall in love with me, at all.

I wish my heart understand this well, and try not to put myself in a deep shit for the third times.

Enough is enough, this is time for payback.

2011-11-20T21:43:00.001-08:00

I think by doing what I was doing, I'm just building a mountain of hate for myself.
The only person I hurt is no other than myself.
I'm sorry myself, I'll try to make things right.

2011-11-19T06:44:00.000-08:00

Are you done with not telling the truth?

In between my not very awesome life

2011-11-08T19:24:00.001-08:00

Why am I feeling this way?

2011-10-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

AH, why does exam even exist?
That thing only put more pressure !!

AHHH!

2011-10-29T11:57:00.001-07:00

Hey alcohol, please drug me to sleep everytime i'm having a hard time.

2011-10-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

Some people have a big heart, while some others don't.

the truth is ,i don't think i have them too.

2011-10-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

Still a little bit lonely, but somehow feel a little bit better.

2011-10-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

ill be done studying in no time.
and fuck yeah, ill go traveling, shopping, and whatever fuck i want,
i'll just live my life like there's no tomorrow. trust me.

2011-10-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

I guess its just a made believe,
its me the one who wish they are all true,
Its pretty much only exist in my brain.

its end up to be so real,
always so real,
until at the end i am the only one who is hurting.

Hey love,
please don't get lost on your way.

Boy

2011-10-17T08:27:00.001-07:00

Boy : I like you, it just that i dont love you..

2011-10-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

I was 18 and dumb,
but now im 21 and still dumb i must say.

HAHA.

2011-10-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe Ive been far too long being naive.
Seeing pretty things, and closing my eyes towards the not-so-pretty things.

Deepest shit.

2011-10-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe in the next five years, I'm gonna find you and figure out that you have a fine loving wife, with beautiful kids, and its all finally crystal clear for me, that you're not the one for me.

And maybe, i can finally move on.

2011-09-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

If this is what you want,
Ill play along with you.

Let me know when you're done,
Ill unwrap my hearts and put it back in place.

I want to be with you.

2011-09-08T04:43:00.000-07:00

Girl: What am i to you?
Boy: You're a practical joke to me.

2011-08-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

Its hard to dedicate yourself to anything when you have so much to lose.

2011-07-31T01:32:00.000-07:00

Just sometimes i feel ugly, inside out.

2011-05-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

Oh, its been awhile since the last post.
so far my life is pretty .. excellent i must say.

its my third month in shanghai, i struggle at first,
but thank God my life gets better each day!

studying Chinese language is obviously such a pain in the butt,
but then its for my own good, right ?

the semester is finishing soon, in like one and the half month,
planning to visit Guangzhou at the beginning of next month.
and also planning to visit Hong Kong during summer holiday.
and of course Singapore, ill be in Singapore from 10th - 13th of july! Please take a note, and spare some of your time yeah !
Gosh i missed Singapore so much !

Geezz I'm growing fatter and fatter! ill start dieting soon ! before its too late !!
Wish me luck on my study , and of course on my diet !

when words couldnt describe the situation

2011-03-22T03:35:00.000-07:00

Hello there, long time no see obviously,

I'm currently studying in Shanghai, China.

It's been a month since i first arrive, and I obviously am not feeling too happy.
It's been really hard on me, ofcourse it gets better, maybe not.

Did you know this feeling? feeling having nobody?
I've never missed everybody this much, by saying everybody i really mean everybody i know.
I've never feel this thankful for having each and everyone i know!

Thank you all my family and friend, who have always and always been there for me.
Pardon my mistakes,

I am all grown up.

2011-03-13T05:06:00.001-07:00

I want to go home, i dont want to be here... i dont.. i really dont..

2011-02-13T03:43:00.001-08:00

I just wish to write this, don't judge me

Hey future, you better be nice to me.
No matter what, next year ill be someone, who are able to earn loads of money.
No matter what, i must have enough money to spend for at least myself.
No matter what, ill become rich.

this is my next year , new year resolution.
Did i plan too fast ?
hahahahahahhaha

a b c

2011-01-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

Not i forget, but i let go
Not i don't care, but i let go
Not i hate you, but i let go

I let go, because i know its the best i can do for myself , and ofcourse for you my friend.

Maybe we can try to make this thing work, or maybe not?

Maybe i don't try hard enough, or maybe you don't even bother to try my friend?

Maybe in your eyes, I'm just not worth it.

2010-12-18T10:55:00.000-08:00

its 2am, and i get bored.
Unable to sleep obviously.

Life isnt only about the good time,
its also about the hard time and lessons that we learn during those shitty time.
Complaining ain't gonna help anything , yet we complains all the time.
Human beings are so complicated,
sometimes we disobey stuffs that our brain tell us to do.
Being so complicated and stuffs, humans will never full-fill other human being's needs.
Maybe nobody is perfect,
but once again what is perfect if nobody can even define the word perfect itself.
For me the word perfect is equally confusing as the word enough,
maybe by knowing what is enough for us, we might find the perfect human being that created for us.

Pardon me, i don't even know what am i saying here,
maybe im just too lost within myself,
maybe not.

2010-12-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

I don't wish to be smarter,
but i wish to be wiser.

I don't wish to be skinny,
but i wish to live healthier.

I dont wish i can read people mind,
but i wish i can be someone who is understanding.

I dont wish to be a good person,
but i wish i can be someone better.

2010-11-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

I want to live far away,
far enough that nobody i knew can find me.

I want to live far away,
so nobody i love can makes me cry.

I want to live far away,
so that nobody knows when i left this world.

I don't want to know anything anymore,
the more i know the more pitiful my life will be.

I don't want to live alone,
but i don't want to live like this.

I don't want to keep everything to myself,
but nobody would listen to me.

I guess,
I just can't get all i want.

I guess,
there is no better world, at least for me.

2010-11-03T06:34:00.000-07:00

love hate relationship,
maybe this is the best sentence to describe me and my parents relationship.

They are giving me the best they could give,
they offer me the best life they could afford,
they teach me every single little things that school doesn't teach,
countless amount of support, helps, patience, money and not forget to mention love.

I do understand this thing,
its just sometimes i don't have enough patience, to answer all their questions,
and get really mad.

I don't have the same amount of supports, helps, patience and love that they gave to me, i don't even have half of it.

I guess all i can say is I'm sorry i can never pay you guys enough.

2010-10-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

I don't say much, i don't explain much, how i feel about you, to you,
That's why i created this blog.
This is somehow the only way i can say things I'm not supposed to say in real life situation.

why ?
because sometimes its too mean, too hard to understand, even too cruel i must say.

I'm so sensitive, so sensitive, and maybe I'm just a better actress then the others, so that, nobody knows how i really feel.

I can't always keep my thoughts to myself, sometimes its too painful, i don't want to die with them. I really don't.

So thank God that blog is invented,
so dear whoever geniuses who created blogger,
i must say thank you.

At least i can share something to the world, even tho most of the time are sadness, but hey ! i always feel better every time i write :)

2010-10-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

Let the song speaks for itself.

2010-09-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

Oh China, I can't wait to see you in a few months.

2010-09-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

this is my theory of HAPPINESS;
99.9% happiness happening because of money
0.1% happening caused by billions others aspects.

my theory of "OTHER ASPECTS"
99.99% 'others aspects' created because of money
0.01% created by itself.

my conclusion
MONEY IS SIBEY IMPORTANT

Yea, im sibey simple minded right ?

2010-09-12T21:28:00.000-07:00

I don't need a normal life, all i need is a normal family.

Please..

2010-08-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

You are not me,
you don't know how i really feel.

Fuck it.

2010-08-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

Nobody's life is easy.
So stop making it hard for yourself.

Move on, and enjoy what you have,
cos tomorrow it might be gone somewhere.

2010-08-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

oh gezz.

Seriously life have been so boring.

ok this is not a new year, but i guess making a resolution is a great idea, just to set a new goal and keep me apart from early death caused from boredom?

1. Instead of saying to slim down, lets just say treadmill at least 45 minutes a day for EVERYDAY.
2. Lose at least another 10 kg until end of yr.
3. Learn how to drive
4. Wake up and sleep earlier
5. ' HELP ' my dad at least 5 days a week
6. Save money --
7. Decide what to do next before next yr.

oh, this will motivate me to live my life a bit more than before.

oh geez. good night :)

2010-07-19T03:03:00.000-07:00

If only you can see what i see,
if only you can feel how i feel,
the world may become a better place.

if only i've never been born before..

2010-07-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

You try to stand with all your will,
and the next thing you know the world knock down your faith.

Growing up, the world teaching me a lesson that i can't always have everything i want.

2010-07-07T04:22:00.000-07:00

If you know i get unhappy for the simplest little thing in my life,
why don't you try to make me feel happy.

If i asked too much from you, i'm sorry.
I wish one day you know what can make me feel 'better'

I've told you before, love isn't about how much money u gave me every month, or how much branded things u gave me every year.

Love isn't about money at this moment,
i miss the littlest thing that you can't pick out of the store from you.

2010-07-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

hmmmm...

Life gets harder when i graduate.

Dont ask me why..

2010-06-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Which one is my home?

I've been living here for nearly 5 years..
I forgot how to live there.
I must learn everything from big number zero.

wish me luck.

2010-06-15T12:40:00.001-07:00

God please help me change myself,
I'm no longer a kids i don't need this attitude no more.

2010-06-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

Most of the time you don't have to care about others, all you have to do is to understand the situation that others going thru.

2010-05-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

Ok. What i might not have a wide range of knowledge in life, but my knowledge in complaining is supreme!
So here we go another complains from me..

At the moment I live far away from home ( not really that far ), with enough money to buy foods and all other shits I need and wants. I have friends whom i loved here too.
Well, somehow my life looks fine.
Ofcourse school still such a pain in the ass, but somehow its bearable, cos i believe i just have to get through it ! like, HAVE TO ! haha.

My family and my only best friend living on the other side of the world (well, not really), i know technology is very amazing now a days, but thats where it hurts the most. In this era where communication shouldn't be a problem, i rarely communicate with them, and somehow i feel unwanted and disconnected.

My mum will only call me 1x every 2 weeks, sometimes 1x every months. My dad will call me once a month, my brother have never call me at all. does this sound pathetic ?

I've been living here for the past four and the half year, i have been feel disconnected for this long. I feel so jealous every time my friend saying ' my parents are coming next week ', or whatever have to do with their family. I bet i never say that sentence to them, cos my parents never visited me for whatever reason that i don't even need to asked.

For the past 4.5 years, my mum visited me only for like 3x, and my dad and brother only visited me for 1x.. and the only one time is less then 24 hours, it was for my graduation day, and they left before 24 hours.

I understand they are busy.. but for some reason i can't accept it, maybe i need more time to fully understand why.

2010-05-23T02:14:00.001-07:00

Nothing more eye-catching then a good looking man,
nothing more eye-catching then a hot man,
nothing more eye-catching then a cute man,

and,

Nothing more interesting then a man who can sing very well,
nothing more interesting then a man who can play guitar or any other instruments.

but,

Nothing more attractive then a sucessfull man.

so ? :D

2010-05-22T01:55:00.001-07:00

I cant remember since when life gets harder and harder..

2010-05-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

Seriously speaking, what with my face and attitude?

Seriously does cheerfulness symbolize care-free-ness?

Like SERIOUSLY?

Today is not my first time being told like 'that'.
BUT SERIOUSLY, I put thousands of effort in my life,
Different from ya'll i don't ever forget to smileee...

HEY ! surprisingly i have brain too, that is why i have thoughts too,
I think about tomorrow and the future too, just like everybody else..

so .. please.. I'm a human being too.

2010-05-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Whats inside? Whats outside?

Which part you don't understand?

I might be pathetic ..
But you're not better then me ..

Whatever you think about me, just forget it,
cos I'm better then you in each and every way.

2010-05-11T21:50:00.001-07:00

cleaning up my bedroom , portfolio for school, re-arrange my thesis, graduation, and I'm out !

oh uk, im coming ..

2010-05-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

oh red ranger, gimme strength !

2010-05-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

Whole loads of shit going on in my life :l

School, dieting, English, bla bla bla bla, 24 hours are obviously not enough,

yea i only know how to complain, who doesn't aniway ?

Wish me luck with the school thinggy, hopefully i can join this year intake, if im not lucky enough i will take next year intake, well, whatever intake it is, ill have to go ! Its now or never kind of thing :)

2010-05-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

if only i have 100 fingers, ill just crossed them all !
if only i have 10000000000000 cells in my brain, ill make them all work !
if only things work the way its supposed to be, everybody gonna have a good life.

this year or next year?
spend another money or start earning money?

if only money is not a problem nobody have to work their ass off.
if only money is not a problem , i don't have to worry about the next few years of my life.
if only the world stop rotating..

2010-05-01T11:58:00.001-07:00

I know I'm not the smartest person on earth,
I know I'm not the smartest person in this country,
I know I'm not the smartest person in the area where i live,
I know I'm not the smartest person in my class,
I know I'm not the smartest friend my friends ever had,
I know I'm not the smartest kid my parents had.

at least I'm the smartest daughter my parents had
( logically cos they only have one daughter)

But when I tell you that I want to continue studying,
I MEAN IT !
I wont let you down !

oh my parents please let me go !
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !

oh doraemon, please lend me your gadget so i can pass 6.5 on an ielts test.

2010-04-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

I guess he is right, i didn't work hard enough.
I guess all my energy were used during week one and two.

I guess degree is too much for me,
I guess i don't deserve the bachelor tittle.

I guess, this is kinda too late to say i give up.
I guess i have no more strength to continue.

I guess, i don't know what i really want.
I guess, i need time to breath.

few more days honey , few more days to go.

that what scare me, few more days,
that what upset me, few more days,

I hate to choose. choosing my own future to be more precise.

i thought I'm all grown up, i guess I'm just a 19 yrs old baby.

2010-04-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

i miss the other you.

2010-04-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

Karma might crash you and me in the next second of our life.

The next time you blink, the world will turn upside down.

You can always laugh at others !
But try to imagine, what if you're actually in their position at the next moment?

let me tell you

THEY WILL LAUGH LOUDER THEN EVER !

2010-04-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

I know this beautiful girl, she is a friend of my friend, she is so beautiful, when i say beautiful, i mean it, for me she is the most beautiful girl i've ever seen in my life. Most of the time i say ' pretty or beautiful ' as a practical joke or just simply being sarcastic.
But she is different she is totally pretty!
My friend told me one day, that the beautiful lady told her that ' Being pretty is only giving her unluckiness '

in my opinion,

Some people simply show you how effortless life could be,
Some others make you cry with them by knowing what they went through before.

For me both are not as beautiful nor scary as what people thought,
I believe, every beautiful life I've seen in my life, ain't as pretty as i thought,
I also believe that every terrible story that I've heard not that pathetic after all.

In conclusion,
What you see are just your illusions, illusions that you had to summarize and conclude all by yourself.

2010-04-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

I KNOW IM GONNA GET SMACKED BY MANY PEOPLE .
one of them might be my mum, my dad, and ofcourse my dear babi jennifer.

BUT considering i have been wanting these camera for awhile ( 4 DAYS ! ahahahahah)
I guess i just have to buy this. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

OK HERE WE GO !

Over all its a nice camera ! very sleek !
But then, since my brain not really working, i never consider about the flash !
ok, this camera is officially can only be used when there is enough light obviously!
well at least i have 3 cameras ! with 3 different functions ! LOL

did i regret spending my $$$$ for this ?
YES OBVIOUSLY. i should just buy the prada wallet ! FISH !

hahahaha, well, i cannot fast forward the time right?

2010-04-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

AMAZING,

how school torture me.
I can hardly believe this is FIRST week,
I can't believe i need redbull on my FIRST week,
my very first week of my last term in school.

8 hours a day are obviously not enough for me.

I complained alot about school all the time, but i believe, this term going to be the toughest !

AH ! my eyes are closing.

2010-04-06T03:54:00.000-07:00

LIAR.

TODAY

2010-04-01T03:06:00.000-07:00

Today i saw the world from another different sight,
Totally different angle, totally different perspective.

I believe this is an angle, where nobody wanted to see from.

I believe starting from today, I'll never see things from the same sight ever again.

Cos anyway things will never be the same anymore.

2010-03-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

its kinda late, but since I've promised liling im going to tell her a funny story,
so, here we go !

Last week, i went to fetch my friend in Airport (Jakarta Airport)
I came one hour early, so i sat down at the nearest cafe, and buy a drink.

After two minutes, there is a smexy aunty came in, and sit down right on the same place on the opposite side, so im actually facing this aunty with transparent smexy clothing,

The next two minutes, an uncle ( i assume he is a driver ) came in and buy a drink too and sat behind the smexy aunty.

Just like watching scene from a comedy movie, the uncle driver keep looking right one the aunty tight ass. (AHAHAHAHAH) cos it just popped out from the aunty's tight jeans.

Uncle keep staring and staring, untilll....
*clickkkkkk* ( its a sound from the uncle's blackberry phone when he is taking picture of the aunty's ass)

The aunty straight away turn her face and look at the uncle, and the uncle pretend like nothing happen.
And the aunty start to cover her ass from this uncle.

AHHAHAHAHA, This perv uncle so funny.
I cant stand him,

i must thanked this pervert uncle to teach me some lesson about blackberry:
1. Dont take candid pics using blackberry phone
2. blackberry phone make sounds when you snap a pic

ps: pls ignore the grammar im kinda sleepy.

nowhere.

2010-03-28T19:22:00.001-07:00

For no particular reason, i was angry yesterday.
It was just like a snap, and all my smile faded away.

I guess its just my attitude problem towards some people,
So those who i didn't treat that way, should be thankful.

I thought my attitude problem had gone and buried for awhile,
I'm wrong, obviously very wrong.

After all, I'm just a baby, I'm growing nowhere mentally.

2010-02-12T04:59:00.001-08:00

The fact that i have to go back to indo irritate me alot.
Since i hate to be rude to my mum cos i have to respect her as my mum,
where i the fact that its so hurtful every time i have to talk and respond her.

I will be 20 in no time, i don't need lies from my own mum.
I thought real life lies from everybody near me hurts me enough,
until one day u lie to me.

Why does people always make it hard for others?
What so special about lying to me?

it was so painful, and still so painful.

2010-02-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

Human beings, including myself, and you,
should realize that,

LIFE ISN'T ONLY ABOUT YOURSELF.

most of us are realize this, but none of us are aware about what we're doing that might affect another human beings( in such a negative way ) around us.

So, WE MAY USE OUR BUTT-HEAD AND PIG BRAINS TO START TO THINK NOT ONLY ABOUT OUR-SELF.

so, PLEASE BE AWARE, COS YOU AND ME DIDN'T LIVE ALONE.

Goodnight.

2010-02-03T09:54:00.000-08:00

They call it motivation.
i call it, ' whatever '

What cause it ?
ill tell u why, i've been obese for the past 14 years. HAHA
exercising is my biggest enemy.
tho chocolate is not my good buddy, sugar is my bestfriend.
I don't really eat vegie for whatever reason.

Why i want to slim down?
1st i love fashion, not as a fashion designer, i just get jealous where slim girls can wear this and that kind of things that i couldn't wear. GRRR...
2nd i don't want to die so young..
3rd better future in each and every way, ( husband wise, carrier wise, etc) .. haha
4th and last. cos being fat its not fun.

How to solve ?
im not so sure yet, but i'll try my best to solve my 14 yrs of problem for the next 4 months, lol sounds impossible but then i just watched youtube where a guy lost 100 pounds in 5 months, so i guess its possible :D
my foods are will only be, yogurt, fruits, oats, and ofcourse VEGIES :D , and 2 good meal a week.
when i say good meal, i mean delicious foods ! hahah, but no buffet allowed ! HAHHAHAH.
GYM, will be my 3rd home after my hse and shopping centre..

ah.. lets see if this will works :D wish me luck

Weirder and Werider.

2010-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

My mum called, asking me to go back to Jakarta.

But, i don't really want to see her.

So i say its such a short hols, so i don't want to go home.

For whatever reason I'm broke,
and yet, i don't want to ask extra money from my mum.

I guess its time for me to change, Don't you think so ?

my new paul frank spec :D

T.O.P

2010-01-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

Please take note !
Im nt a big fan of korean singer nor boy band
ahahah but i found this super cute guy ! LOL
TOP from BIGBANG while watching family outing * which were recommended by liling *

Yea, he is so cute !! Oops wrong, this was him.. yearsss back:D I should ask him how he slim down..

YEA ! THIS IS HIM, i wasn't really a big fan of his look at 1st, but then , i found he is very charming :D

AW! take a look at the smile :D haha

:D

LOL I FEEL LIKE A WEIRDO WHO ARE ALWAYS WATCH KOREAN DRAMA . haha
what a nerd.

2010-01-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

if You ask me, what is my top regret if i have to die tomorrow?
I will answer you,
Spending almost 5 years of my life in Singapore is something i regret of doing if i have to die tomorrow,
Why ?
Because I've waste my precious time, without having this album full of memories with my parents when i have to leave them behind.

mom, dad, i'll never hate you,
you both just have to learn more how to love me.

Resolution

2009-12-30T19:34:00.000-08:00

updates,
I'm back from Bali,
and lost my phone, (this is the 3rd or 4th time i lost them)
well, lets just say by losing my phone, ill lose all the bad luck for next year :D

my New Year Resolutions

growing up as a 'normal' human being
living a 'normal' life
become a vegetarian
slimming down
basically become a better human being :O

<3selvit.

2009-12-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

Tue,
Something wrong with my pc, dont ask me why, i know its only few months old, but then... z z z .
Guess what, it spoiled on the day where i have to submit my super big assignment..
Yea, so i din submit my assignment on time...
Thnx to my lecturer, he allow me to submit :D

Wed,
.. i thought the day before was my worse nightmare..
the fact that wed is the day where all my super scary nightmare began.
doing assignments with jennifer. Started doin a model since 3am where we have to finish on 8..
omg..
We manage to finish, but then. that's the worse model that i've ever done in my life.

Thrs,
Submission,
going back home :)

and now im home :D

Heading to Bali tomorrow :DD

aniway ,
Merry X'mas all

i simply love you.

2009-12-14T07:25:00.000-08:00

hey . 18 is 4 more days away from today.
18 will be the happiest day in your life.

it does shattered my heart for awhile,
i need time to think and learn whats happening,
i need time to put myself together.

Lets get this over,
you are my best friend,
you're part of my family,
you're my long lost sister.

I trust you in whatever you're doing.
You know i love you,
and I'm truly happy for you.

I'm so sorry i will not be able to attend ur Wedding celebration.
i hope you know, ill always be with you.

2009-12-10T04:19:00.000-08:00

DO NOT DISTURB !

thank you

This habit of mine

2009-12-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

What are problems u facing everyday ?
Family? Money? Character? or even love?

What the world would become if there is no love?
Maybe girls wont cry as much as they did now =l

Love, oh Love.

I remembered 1st time i had a crush for somebody. haha.
Nothing much, just a crush.

The second, third, and the countless time ofcourse!
Nothing went wrong before i get dragged into a relationship.
No tears, Just happily talking and stalking ( I'M NOT A STALKER.. Well maybe sometimes) the guy i like.

hmn. it was like .. hmnn.. 7 years ago ? :l
Well, after I've always thought that things would be fun once i jumped into a relationship tho its a puppy love.
At least we always had someone who will be there when i need them! ( that what i thought)
BUT the world prove me wrong! Very very wrong indeed.

Fell in love with someone who is extremely adorable is extremely easy in such a way.
Fell in love is like blinking when we watch a magic show.
It's like pooping your poopoo when u wanted to poop badly.
in other words, its simple, fast, and yet no fine definition about it.

ok, once you had been in a relationship you will think ITS LOVE !
making people around you sure that THIS IS IT ! HE IS THE ONE !
Which most of the time you FAILED to prove that he is the one ! LOL
He/she HURTS you ! He cheat on you! He lied to you !
He made you CRY for the first time, second time, third time, and the countless time.
People telling you to BREAK he/ her up ! And yet, you didn't.
At the end you lied to yourself! And you become a total liar to yourself!
Isn't this so fucked up ?
I'm sure a lot of you went through this before. Don't worry I'm here with you !

You get hurt in your 1st relationship,
and you lied to yourself, that the second one going to be better!
Am i Right?
i believed I'm.
The second one hurt as much as before !
n You're scared to give the third one a try.
Takes time to heal, takes time to forget, takes time to learn.

As the time goes by, you've learned that love isnt the word to describe what you feel so far.
Its just a little BAD HABIT of ours.

Does Love exist ? or Habit is the correct word?
What do You think?

is this it ?

2009-12-01T22:37:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to do something, something impossible.
Are you going to wait for me ?

<3

FUCK YOU

2009-11-29T02:13:00.001-08:00

I'm extremely pissed at the moment.
so, FUCK you bitch.

My mum used to say, its really very easy to bend an iron, but once the iron is bended it will be very hard to make it like how it used to be, even you are able to make it straight, some part of the iron will be wavy.

It's just like human beings, once an asshole, will always be an asshole. That what my mum wanted to say =l i guess.

well, its so true?
Thnx mum, for teaching me everything, so i will never get lost in this whole wide world.

Oh yea back to the topic..

FUCK YOU.

nightmare.

2009-11-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

another hardcore weeks for me.
and of course my team mates.
and. YEA, MY CLASSMATES ? i guess?

3 submission in a row.
mon, tue, n thr.
Felt like being raped by the school. (LOL)

i thought i work hard enough this term..
yea, fuck it, its nt even make any diff?
last minutes work always always n always haunting me in the end. (well known fact)

=l

=l

=l

kill me.

What is this?

2009-11-11T03:10:00.000-08:00

Life getting abit harder for me,
where i can hardly remember things.
Memory is just like stain on my shirt,
faded so fast, too fast indeed.

Its kind of depressing not remembering anything.
I cant remember where i put my things most of the time (98%) .
I cant remember what i just bought, what i just learn, and what so ever things (89.9999%).

I wish i can swap this with those unwanted memories.
So that the unwanted memories faded away faster then ever.

=l

2009-11-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

Since, its very seldom for me to ask something from you,

God, let me ask something from you tonight.

God, take away my life.

2009-11-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

...............
Yea nt going to Japan.
Fack.
Another disappointment.

PS: people around me. stop giving me a heart attack. stop giving me weird surprises.
I'm not ready for any kind of surprises at the moment.

Let me calm down and breath.

Thnx

WEIRD

2009-11-06T22:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know what had happened to everybody in this whole wide world!

lol.

Just strange.. Very strange indeed !

1st of all,
My dad never say 'NO' to me anymore.
(To what i want)

ok . thats it!
LOL.

oh, I'm just being random.

Goodbye

Love,

Selvi Thomas

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

2009-11-04T04:03:00.000-08:00

erm, begining of November..

OK! i can't hide this anymore that I'm super duper excited about my end of year holiday !
Me and my brother planning to travel to Japan!
If you are actually following my blog, you will notice that I've always wanted to travel to Japan since like 2 years ago! WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Well, things haven't been confirmed yet, i should not get too excited !
But !
I'M TOO EXCITED! lol

Well, u might be wondering why?
BECAUSE I CAN HARDLY REMEMBER WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT FOR A HOLIDAY !
it were like ... 5 years ago? before i moved to Singapore. SIGH.

OHH MYY.. im simply excited =D

5 4 3 2 1 ,,

2009-11-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Who can tell that i'm suffer ?

Who can tell that i'm not living a happy life?

Who can tell that i'm don't really want to socialize?

Who can tell that I'm not willing to share what i feel?

Who can tell i couldn't say what i wish to say?

Who can tell i couldn't do what i wanted to do?

Who can tell that i always hold back and keep quite?

Who can tell that ...... uh...

I guess..
I'll just pretend like I'm having such an excellent life..
So everybody will think that i have one!
I'm not fake,
I just want to bring joy around.
Maybe by pretending, everybody can have the positive energy!

lol lame.

Selvi Thomas

2009-10-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

hey, i just changed my skin. lol

Its 4am now.
Time for me to sleep. Goodnight Sweethearts <3

2009-10-18T04:57:00.001-07:00

HHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

heee heee..

Today, will be the day where ill capture the world, from the different sight !

Current

2009-10-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

When the fallen star share you hopes,
When the wind whispers beautiful lies,
When the other sight of seeing tear u apart.

I may blend to the background, faded, and unseen,
almost invisible,
and yet, I'm waiting You with all my faith.

Share me your story, and ill share you mine.
Lend me your shoulders, cos i need strength when I'm crying.

Are You there?
cos I'm looking for a big fat juicy love with vanilla ice cream on top of it.

Don't ever ask me why.
Selvi Thomas.

Choices.

2009-10-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

In this world,
there will be no room for nice people,
There will be no space left for them.

The one who are good in bitching around,
will always be a winner, always.

World leaving us with choices ofcourse,
a. To live as a nice person, suffer all your life, and being forgotten when you died.
b. or to live as a jerk, live happily ever after, and ... ofcourse being remembered by others even when you died.
mm, does this sounds like a choice?

Selvi Thomas

Randomize.

2009-10-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

Smile :)

do smile :)

Randomize the feeling, and smile :)

SeaWorld.

2009-09-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

Thnx to my best friend,
for the beautiful picture :)

I know all u can see is my cheek. LOL

Burrrrbhdaaae

2009-09-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Holiday,

Birthday,

A bucket of flower,

A bunch of love,

Family,

Bestfriend,

Bedroom sweet bedroom,

= Perfection

2009-09-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

Hey , im 19.

z z z z z z.

and ill be 20 next year.

z z z z z z.

Well.

z z z z z z.

Im having such a good time in indo :)

How-lie-die :D

Wink. update laterrrrr <3

Signing off
Selvi Thomas.

Heartbreaking.

2009-09-12T05:00:00.001-07:00

There is no time for me to fail.

Sayang?

2009-09-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

someone:
Sayang itu never change,
Sayang itu can onli Decrease or Increase,
There is no way that sayang can be changed.

me:
Sayang itu a trial.
It might increase nor decrease,
it might fades away too

.idk what am i writing abt . im just being random . very random indeed .

AT MUSING'S END

2009-09-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

a Short movie called

AT MUSING'S END

by Wong Fu Production, check out their page on youtube http://www.youtube.com/user/WongFuProductions

mmmmmph..

19

2009-08-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

What i have done in the past 11 months?

I'm not so sure.
All i know is im almost 19.

a little ,

2009-08-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last saturday was loads of fun ^^

uh, lets get back to the shitty assignments. Fark School.