You know the feeling, having void in between your chest ?
its like part of you isn't with you.
Yes the feeling of having your heart broken,
those feeling like wanting to trow up without being drunk.

I'm not new to this feeling, but i still cant get used to the idea of this feeling.
Anyway its been awhile since the last time i had these feeling.

As far as i can remember it was 3 years ago, had my heart really really broken for the first time, its almost like being smacked with bricks over and over, that i have to cry myself to sleep everyday.
Having my eyes swollen for the whole months. Having to keep this whole shits for myself. Having to blame myself for everything that happens. Having to still smile and laugh, pretends that everything went just fine. oh i guess im a good actress after all.

It took me a month of cryings, and blaming myself to put myself together in one piece, and another monthss to forget what happened . i know im such a noob.

Now, 3 years later, im having the same feeling as 3 years ago just a little bit lighter, whats sad is, this feeling caused by the same guy as 3 years ago. oh, God what have i put myself into?

I guess this is call denial, i know 3 years ago he doesnt love me, and i should know whatever i do at this present moment, he's not gonna love me, and in the future he will not gonna fall in love for me.
I guess this is when the word never come in handy? this is a fact that he will never gonna fall in love with me, at all.

I wish my heart understand this well, and try not to put myself in a deep shit for the third times.

Enough is enough, this is time for payback.

♥ 11:01 AM